Like a Bag of Skittles Exploded in His Pants

Obviously there are several crimes being committed here, with improper use of a mankini as the most blatant offense. Additionally, there's the uncanny resemblance to this homemade bird costume sported by a six year old, though the Fitness Fashion DA's office is still debating what the proper charge is for such a crime.

Of course there are other violations on display as well, but addressing them would be like issuing a ticket to Charles Manson for an illegal lane change after you catch him with a bloody knife leaving the scene of the crime.